Helping Others While Helping Ourselves

One of the things we are often asked about is how to help other people with their mental or physical health while dealing with our own. There is no doubt that this can be a complicated situation. As humans, when we care about someone, whether it be a friend, family member, or signficant other, we often want to do everything we can to help them. This can cause frustration and disappointment for everyone involved.

One of my friends and I often have this problem. We both want to help each other and make things better for the other. However, we have our own issues that we have to deal with as well. This can lead to neither one of us feeling the best or getting the help we actually need. It can also cause us to argue, which neither of us wants to do. We end up hurting each other, which in turn, also hurts ourselves.

One of the biggest things we have found that can help is communication. When we aren't feeling well, or are feeling frustrated with things, it can be hard to convey our actual feelings and emotions. It causes problems between us. So although we can't always do it at the time, we are learning to talk more about what is really going on. It creates a better understanding and truly helps things between us. While we do still have our arguments (everyone does), learning to communicate has reduced them.

It's not easy for either of us to put ourselves first. In fact, it's not easy for a lot of people. But it is super important and something that is essential to maintaining a friendship or any kind of relationship. There is nothing wrong with helping people, in fact, it's a great trait to have. However, how can we help others if we don't help ourselves?

Ultimately, it's a balance. It's a balance of making sure you are taking care of yourself while you help others. It's a matter of keeping the lines of communication open. It's a matter of knowing how much you truly care about each other. It's not always gonna be easy, but ultimately, it's worth it.

"You get into the biggest fights with the people you care about the most, because they are the relationships worth fighting for." ~Wiz Khalifa 

Depression and Chronic Illnesses

When you have a chronic illness, so many aspects of your life change. You may have to suddenly give up some of your hopes and dreams. You may have to change your lifestyle. You may lose friends and even relationships over it. You can’t always do the things you were once able to do. Maybe you used to be a very active person and always on the go. That will change. Maybe you were a social butterfly, always off at parties and other social events. That will change.

Before you know it, those nights on the town will turn into nights with early bedtimes. Those days hanging out with your friends will turn into days of pain and exhaustion. Your life has changed, and not for the better. You wonder what has happened to your life. You wonder what you did to deserve such a thing. You see others doing everyday things, and you get jealous. You long to be able to be “normal” and do what everyone else does. People will say you are lucky that you don’t have to work, or that you can take naps. You don’t feel lucky though. No one realizes how much you want to tell them that THEY are the lucky ones.

You feel isolated and alone. So many people won’t understand. They’ll tell you that it’s all in your head, or that you are simply over-exaggerating. They will tell you it’s caused by stress. They will compare your illness to someone else they have seen, and say something along the lines of “If they can do it, why can’t you?” They don’t realize that each illness/condition is different, and that even within the same illness, everyone is different. And because a lot of these illnesses are invisible, some people just won’t believe you at all.

Some of these conditions can lead to depression, or depression can be a co-existing condition. Either way, it is a very common part of chronic illnesses. Losing out on the life we once lived, losing friendships, being in endless pain; how can we not feel depressed? Being isolated in our own homes, sometimes even our bed, for days while we recover from over exerting ourselves is enough to make anyone depressed. Some of the medications we take can also affect our mental health. Whatever it is chemical or situational, depression becomes a huge part of our lives as well.

So what can you do? Reach out. Talk to a professional and get the help you need. Talk to friends who truly care and who at least try to understand what you are going through. Find support in others who have chronic illnesses and/or depression. Even if it’s not face-to-face, it’s amazing what support can do for you. Educate your family and friends on what you are going through. Some do want to understand, they just don’t. Explain to them the best you can. On the days you are able, get out of the house. Find things that you enjoy and are able to do. Pamper yourself. Do small things for yourself daily. Most importantly, take care of yourself, including both your physical health and your mental health.

Much Love,
Sarah

Self Love

Hi everyone!

Sorry it has taken me so long to get the first blog post up here, but it’s been a crazy busy time for me.

I thought that for the first blog post, I would write about a very important topic, self love. This is something that I personally have had a hard time with. In fact, I still do a lot of times. I think we all do. Even the people who always seem conceited often can have a hard time with self love.

Why do we have such a hard time with it? I personally believe that it is because we always tend to blame ourselves for things that happen in our lives. We tend to dwell on the negative, and blame ourselves for the negatives happening. We tend to focus on our failures rather than our successes. We tend to look at how far we have left to go instead of how far we have come.

We also often tend to look to someone else for that love that we are missing. We expect friends, family members, and/or significant others to give us that love that we are missing. It’s not the same though, it can’t be. Self love has to come from within, from yourself. We have to look and find the things that we appreciate about ourselves. We have to accept ourselves. We have to learn to not be so hard on ourselves. We have to realize that we are worthy of our own love. It is not easy, but it can be done.

Here are some tips:

1. Forgive yourself for your mistakes. No one is perfect.

2. Realize that everything isn’t your fault. Sometimes things just happen.

3. Focus on how far you have come, not far you have left to go.

4. Every day, find at least 3 different things (physically and mentally) that you love about yourself. Say them out loud.

5. Keep telling yourself that you deserve to love yourself. You may not believe it at first, but it will begin to feel truer to you.

6. Accept yourself for who you are. If there is something you want to change about yourself, work on it. But only for YOU, not for anyone else.

7. Never compare yourself to other people.

8. Find something you enjoy and can be proud of.

9. Take time for yourself everyday. Pamper yourself.

10. Treat yourself as you would treat a friend, family member, and/or significant other. Be as good to yourself as you would be to them.

I will not tell you that this is easy. It’s something I struggle with daily. Let’s try these tips together, ok? Please leave a comment with more ideas if you have any!

Lastly, I want to thank a special person who has helped me realize how important it is to love myself. Without his help and guidance, I’m not sure I would of even started trying. I owe more to him than he even realizes.

Much Love,
Sarah